The Rude Awakening

“Almost heaven, west Virginia.”

The words seemed familiar to Allan. He yawned and tried to remember the song. Is it a Bob Dylan song? “Nah, that can’t be. Dylan has a much more nasal sound! As if the guy’s been suffering from cold forever. It can’t be John Lennon either. The lyrics seem too simple for him. But I know this song belongs to some “John”. Must be lil’ john. Lil’ John was a Robin Hood guy, and a rapper, too”.

 Allan felt a sharp pain in his head. “I’m thinking too much and too hard”. He reached for his head and felt a hat.

A magical bulb lit up and Allan suddenly remembered! The song was sung by John Denver!

“I’m a Barbie girl….like a plastic, it’s fantastic….”

“Ugh, not that song!”

Allan gritted his teeth and looked around for the source of the sound. His eyes caught sight of the boom box placed inside the shop, and before he knew what he was doing, he pointed his hand (or at least that’s what he thought) and shouted “Shut it off”. A well-endowed girl came out of the Taco Bell outlet to address the commotion—wanting to shout at the trouble maker, but she ended up bursting in laughter.

Following her gaze, Allan realized that he was dressed in a nun’s habit and he was brandishing naked Barbie doll like a sword.

“Note to self”, thought Allan—“Never mess with a nun again”. 

Rude Awakening Draft 1

WWUSF Contest--Week 4

And that is how he came to awake in the alley behind the Taco Bell, 400 miles away from where he last remembered being, wearing a nun's habit and clutching a naked Barbie doll.

“Almost heaven, west Virginia, blue ridge mountain, Shenandoah river….life is old there, older than the tree, younger than the mountain…”

The words seemed vaguely familiar to Allan. He yawned and tried to remember the song. Is it a Bob Dylan song? Nah, that can’t be, he thought. Dylan has a much more nasal sound—as if the guy’s been suffering from cold forever. It can’t be John Lennon either. The lyrics seem too simple to be penned by John. But I think this song is sung by some “John”. Little John? Or was it Lil’ John?

Must be lil’ john. Oh wait! Little John was a Robin Hood guy and Lil’ John is a rapper. At this moment, Allan felt a sharp pain in his head. “I’m thinking too much and too hard, he thought”. His hands slowly reached his head and he felt the presence of a hat.

“What the hell! I don’t remember wearing this! Hell I haven’t even saw a nun since I left Denver 6 months ago. “

As if a magical light bulb started emitting a brilliant while light and Allan suddenly remembered that the song was sung by John Denver, who shares his last name with Denver the last dinosaur.

“Damn, I feel wasted. My head is completely messed up. Otherwise, why would I compare John Denver with Denver the last dinosaur? Wait, what’s that infernal noise?”

“I’m a Barbie girl, in a Barbie world, like a plastic, it’s fantastic….”

“Ugh, not that song!”

Allan gritted his teeth and looked around for the source of the sound. His eyes caught sight of the boom box placed inside the shop, and before he knew what he was doing, he pointed his hand (or at least that’s what he thought) and shouted “Shut it off”. A lusciously curvy latino chica came out of the shop to address the commotion—her eyes flashing with a combination of anger and amusement, but her mood quickly converted to absolute amusement and she burst out in laughter.

Her laughter seemed like the beautifully serene sound of a splashing waterfall, and she was looking at the raised hand of Allan. Following her gaze, Allan realized that he was dressed in a nun’s attire, wearing the stupid black and white colors, and his hand is brandishing a naked Barbie doll. It could have been a stick, a pole, a rod, a gun, heck..it could even be a dragonstring wand, but no, it had to be a naked Barbie doll.